Zhaba Zhournal
Friday, November 21, 2003 
By virtue of having once mentioned Paris Hilton, I've become a search result for people looking for that sex video. Therefore, this Public Service/Paris Sex Announcement: No, I don't have it. And I'm not going to mention the URL's I've been getting hits from, because then I'll wind up getting search results for that for months, like I did when I mentioned...um, just imagine the letters that the symbols/numbers are replacing: m@nst3rc0cks.c0m. (And I still don't know why I got referrals from there in the first place.)

As long as I've got the words "Paris Hilton" on this page, I may as well repeat what J. said the first time we talked about her:
Incidentally, what the hell is up with the name Paris Hilton? As J. put it, "Do you really want to give your daughter a name that implies that thousands of people have slept in her?"
The answer may not be "yes," but my oh my, is that implication being made...about as often as she is, apparently...

[ at 8:49 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Friday Five 
1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
  • Finish the Christmas stocking I started making for J. last year

  • Make the fruitcake I got the ingredients for two years ago (candied fruit doesn't go bad, does it?)

  • Vacuum (hey, it could happen)

  • Work on my Web site, and maybe get my blog moxified

  • Send my Christmas cards before Christmas
2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.

Oh, jeez...I mostly lost contact with them because I wanted to. Next question.

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
  • I'd say "dance," but I believe that's impossible; me:dance :: shellfish:quantum physics

  • Speak Welsh

  • And Irish Gaelic

  • And that African language with all the clicks

  • Anything well enough to get me famous enough to get on the Daily Show (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...Jon Stewart)
4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
  • Pay off the mortgages on the houses of all my family members

  • Donate a building to Yale (which I said I'd do on my application, although it was tongue-in-cheek rather than an out-and-out bribe)

  • Upholster a room with cashmere

  • Raise Arabian horses

  • Get my goddamn thighs liposuctioned (they're disproportionately large, so no matter how thin I am I look like a Stone Age fertility goddess from hip to knee)
5. List five things you do that help you relax.
  • Alcohol

  • Xanax

  • Hot baths

  • Orgasms

  • Backrubs

[ at 10:35 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Proofreader, please 
Or at least someone who knows English sentence structure. In the ack-basswards headline department: "Poll: Pa. falling out of favor with the president." The article then says that the president's approval rating is falling in Pennsylvania. So, M(r|s). Headline Writer, what you mean is "President falling out of favor with Pa." (Or maybe "in Pa." would sound better.)

[ at 9:31 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Crime and...something 
I'm going to try to limit the Michael Jackson postings, but I do have this to say: exactly how much of a scumbag are you when a state passes a law specifically because of you? (And how much more of a scumbag are you when you then run afoul of that law ten years later?)

Blah blah blah innocent until proven guilty. I get the feeling that his problem is that he's too innocent, in his own mind; he seems to have an overwhelming naïevté that prevents him from seeing any of his actions as threatening, dangerous, or, heck, even disturbing to anyone else. (The root of "innocent," by the way, isn't "not guilty"; it's "not harming"—"in + nocens," the present participle of "nocere," "to harm." And yes, I know too much Latin.)

[ at 9:20 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Thursday, November 20, 2003 
We are not amused 
Okay, I am really disliking whoever's sending zillions of spam messages from my domain name. First of all, it sucks in general; and second, I'm getting all the delivery-failed messages bounced back to me, and having 200 messages of that sort in my inbox is a) a pain in the ass and b) using up big chunks of my allotted megabytes.

I thought I'd taken care of it yesterday by changing all my passwords (twice), and indeed it had tapered off by the end of the day, but this morning I had over 300 returned-to-sender spams. Grrr snarl snap. So I changed my passwords again, and for good measure set up my e-mail aliases so that only the ones I specified would get forwarded to me; the "anything at zhaba dot com" ones—all the "rj_zipwinder-2983-blargthorp86" bogus spam ones—are getting deleted, baby. So whatever happens, I'm not going to see them.

To anyone more hack-savvy than me: Any and all advice is welcome.

To anyone getting spams from my domain name: It's not me.

To the spammer(s): You are so, so lame. A pox on all your IP addresses, and may your servers be infiltrated by wire-eating insects.

[ at 9:54 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 
Rush Limbaugh is a big fat criminal idiot 
Am I a really bad person for wanting this to be true?: Rush Limbaugh may have violated money-laundering laws to pay for his prescription-drug addiction.

(J.: I guess that's what you'd call a really white-collar crime.)

[ at 3:44 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Talking to the TV 
On President Bush's trip to London, and the extreme security measures therefor:
J.: It's humiliating to have a head of state who can't visit a foreign capital unless it's in a state of lockdown.
Later, a teaser for the 11 o'clock news on the latest Michael Jackson child-molestation accusation*:
Announcer: Coming up...shocking news about Michael Jackson.

Me: The only thing that would be shocking is if he grew some chest hair and darkened his skin.
*I couldn't find a New York Times link for this story, go figure...

[ at 9:24 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Psst...church and state, anyone? 
President Bush's statement on the Massachusetts same-sex marriage decision:
Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle. I will work with Congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage
Ahem. First Amendment, anyone?

(What I really wanted to say was "First fucking Amendment, asshole," but...oh, hey, I just said that.)

[ at 9:14 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 
Name of the day 
In the "unlikely name" department: a Biblical archaeologist named P.L.O. Guy. (There wasn't actually an Israel, much less a PLO, in his time; but it's still an odd name to come across.)

[ at 12:36 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Say it isn't so! 
Britney Spears has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I'll just be over here banging my head against the wall.

[ at 11:24 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Yes, that's me.

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