Wednesday, June 16, 2004
How to solve all the world's problems
Flipping through late-night basic cable while waiting for my absurdly-slow home computer to download the latest eighteen or so Windows security updates, I assembled the perfect combination of news stories: Terrorists kidnapping Scott Peterson. I mean, terrorists always seem to kidnap perfectly nice people, while exceedingly scuzzy people are always sitting around courtrooms watching their lawyers cleverly argue them out of murder charges. Let's just combine the two, okay?
(This isn't my only brilliant idea on how to solve all the world's problems. For instance, last spring, when SARS and the U.S.'s first WMD searches were all over the news, I came up with this one: "If SARS is really spread by cockroaches, and the chemicals they found in Iraq are really just pesticides, we can send those over to China and kill all the roaches and neatly tie the week's two biggest news stories into a satisfying conclusion, just in time for the Sunday talk shows." I thought it would also work out nicely if someone could take the huge crop of illegal opium poppies in Afghanistan and turn them into painkillers for the under-supplied hospitals in Iraq. No one ever asks me, though...)
[ at 12:05 AM • by Abby • permalink • ]