Zhaba Zhournal
Saturday, August 23, 2003 
Dept. of Justice And/Or the Law 
So, the pedophile ex-priest has been killed in prison. I'm going to repost the comment I made over at redsugar muse: Some people say this is while child molesters shouldn't be put in the general prison population. Some people say it's exactly why they should be.

(Yadda yadda murder is bad yadda yadda illegal yadda yadda it's for God to decide yadda yadda maybe He just did.)

[ at 9:47 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

The cost of...reading? 
Hey, the book I'm working on has a pre-order page on the publisher's Web site, and, good Lord, it's $59.95. What are they going to print it on, shatoosh? I sure wouldn't pay that much for it.

(No, I'm not posting the link. I fear that would lead to a good deal of trouble for all concerned.)

[ at 5:14 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

It's damn hard to work at home on a sunny and not-oppressively-hot Saturday. So here's some links.

First, it looks like Fark's not going to front-page this, so I'll just preserve my headline here: Now–ex-serviceman learns that for the Navy, appearing on "Boy Meets Boy" is in the "tell" category.

A bear who tests bear-proof camping equipment can open an ice chest bound with nylon rope in 90 seconds.

Here are some people making a counterintuitive entrance to their health club.

And here is a picture of a decontamination process that will be stuck in my head for far too long.

Never mind rats, it's the growing population of feral dogs that cities have to start watching out for.

And finally: you know you've got a flood problem when you have to watch the roads for salmon crossings.

[ at 3:31 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

What, he's in the news again? 
This just in from the [alleged {ha!}] Wife-Murdering Scumbag Department: O.J. Simpson expresses sympathy for Scott Peterson. Yo, dude, you're feeling the wrong person's pain.

[ at 2:54 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Democracy: 1. Hypocrisy: 0. 
You can all put your thesauri down: a federal judge has ruled that it is legal to use the phrase "fair and balanced" to describe something other than Fox News.

The article is eminently quotable, but this one really tickles me:
Although Franken has appeared as a guest on Fox News Channel at least 10 times in the past five years, according to Fox, he is not affiliated with the network, which, in court papers, called his commentary "not good enough to be endorsed by Fox News."
I believe that's what you call "praising with faint damns"...

[ at 12:11 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Friday, August 22, 2003 
In the movies 
From the New York Times movie review section:
Marci X and My Boss's Daughter are not reviewed because there were no screenings for critics.
No, I guess there wouldn't be...

(I'm more ill-disposed toward "My Boss's Daughter," because I have a visceral reaction to Tara Reid—I just can't stand white women whose skin is darker than their hair. I.e., blondes with very dark tans. It just looks skanky. And, not coincidentally, it reminds me of most of the girls who went to my high school...)

(Apropos Onion article this week: Local Woman Proud of Horrible Tan.)

[ at 8:57 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Thursday, August 21, 2003 
I'm drunk. Bear that in mind. 
So I'm drunk.

Every now and then, J. and I split a bottle of wine (or so) and solve all the problems of the universe, or at least talk about them till we're sick of them.

So today we got on the topic of holidays (via the book I'm copyediting), which led to religion in general, which led to the Catholic Church, in the tradition of which we were both raised. (He's been confirmed; I haven't.) And we were talking about how the Catholic Church is virulently opposed to homosexuality and birth control and masturbation, and yet has been covering up for pedophile priests for decades. And I suddenly thought, and said, "You know, I don't think the Bible actually says anywhere that you can't rape children."

(Note to all the perverts and/or FBI investigators who have found this entry via search engines: No, I'm not saying or doing anything illegal. Go away.)

Anyway...that would be interesting, wouldn't it? There's "wrong" and there's "illegal" and there's "sin," and depending on your religion or lack thereof they don't necessarily mean the same thing. You can sin to your heart's content, say a thousand Hail Marys, and you're good to go. And go. And go... And if something is illegal, but not a sin, why shouldn't the Church cover up for you? It's not like you broke God's rules, after all...

(Random bit of information: J.'s mother was actually excommunicated for marrying his father, who was a Protestant. And this was in Massachusetts in the 1950s.)

(This has significantly influenced both of our opinions on the Catholic Church.)

Sigh...I'm drunk. I'd better not say anything that'll get me flamed. And I'm damn-sure not going to run any searches on the Bible and pedophilia on the Internet; I'll check it tomorrow on my computer at work, where I've got a KJV on my hard drive. It would explain a lot, though...

[ at 9:46 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

No, no, no! 
Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka in Tim Burton's remake? No, no, no, please God, no! What do I have to do, sacrifice chickens, self-flagellation, a thousand Hail Marys? I'll do it, just make this go away!

Update: Judging from all the other blogs, journals, and message boards on-line, I'm about the only person who doesn't think this is just the cat's knees and the bee's pajamas. Well, I like the original just fine, thank you, and it's hard to improve on Gene Wilder. I also think Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have both been getting increasingly mannered and creepy over the years, and I'm not sure how eager I am to see what happens when they get together again.

[ at 11:22 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Dead man talking? 
I guess you've all heard by now that we've captured Chemical Ali, which is quite a coup, since he's supposed to have been dead since April 5. (I've been looking for a contemporaneous link, but they seem to have all gone dead by now. Except the Fox News one, which I'm not going to link to.) Anyway, better late than never.

Amusement of the day: when you enter "Chemical Ali" in this Anagram Generator, you get "CIA call me hi!" (I wish could take credit for that, but I found it in this Fark.com thread.)

Update: I do, however, take credit for this improved rewrite: "Hi, CIA, call me!"

[ at 11:15 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 
My life is complete: there is, indeed, a Web site called shoes.com. Oh boy oh boy oh boy...

(If this does not excite, nay, drive you wild with joy, you are clearly not a woman.)

[ at 12:58 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Build your own hell! 

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle I Limbo

The inventor of car alarms, My neighbors and their awful yappy dogs
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Circle IV Rolling Weights

Qusay Hussein, Uday Hussein
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

George Bush
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Saddam Hussein
Circle VII Burning Sands

NAMBLA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

[ at 10:32 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 
Rodents (not mice) 
J. sent me this link: rat-sized gerbils are decimating grasslands in north-western China. His accompanying e-mail:
They belong to the genus Rhombomys, and really ought to be marketed here in pet stores as the "Rambo Gerbil". They'd sell like hotcakes, only they're colonial and live in burrows. They sound a bit like prairie dogs, in a way. The story doesn't address what people might have done to cause a huge rodent population explosion. Like kill off all the local predators for the fur market, or start irrigating desert for grain production? Inquiring minds want to know. At least, this one does.
Hm, maybe the giant gerbils could be funneled into the fur market...

[ at 11:42 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Unfortunate name of the day 
Man, this poor guy: a British actor named Ray McAnally. (I'm going to start getting some unfortunate search results, too, I think...)

[ at 9:23 AM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Monday, August 18, 2003 
The "From" names cobbled together by spam programs are frequently amusing; this one's so good I had to preserve it before trashing the message: Litherland Struzzi.

I love it. It sounds like a Tolkien elf who married an Italian alpinist. I'll file it away for that grand fantasy epic I don't know I'll never write.

(Oddly, Mr./Ms./Sr./Sra. Struzzi's return address is "BoylGantzler@[snipped].com," which sounds neither Elvish nor Italian; kind of Irish by way of the Netherlands...)

[ at 10:10 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Adventures in policing 
My brother, a Philly cop, told us about another officer who got in an altercation with a deer. It was in a cemetery, I think, or a small lot; the deer jumped over the guy's car, and he got out and chased it around and shouted at it. He claimed it was a "vicious animal." (Me: "I don't think deer are particularly vicious." J.: "I bet they're pretty irritable after you've been chasing them for half an hour.")

The deer eventually got away. The kicker is, the officer actually filed a report about it. The offender was described thus: "Deer. 5 feet tall. Brown in color. White tail." The report, my brother said, spread very rapidly through the rest of the department. (I don't think civilians can get a copy, alas.) And the guy's high on the list of Who Not To Be Partnered With.

[ at 4:11 PM • by Abby • permalink  ]

Yes, that's me.

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